The Book Says

It’s really a magazine

for people who

want to know

more about training

a boxer puppy.

It covers topics

such as “6 Games for Good manners.”

“No More Clowning Around:

Serious Solutions for Everyday Issues:

Jumping, Pulling, Barking, Chewing, and more!”

Now this magazine

has become a source

of contention in our house.

The more Jill reads it,

the more we hear about

what she reads.

She begins every sentence

with the phrase, “The book says …”

The book says,

“Do not let them jump on you.

Do not give them any attention

until all four feet are on the ground.”

“Do not allow them on the furniture unless invited.”

The other night we

we’re taking the puppies on a walk

and I discovered another truth

about puppy training.

I realize that not only

is she training the puppies,

she’s training me.

One block into our walk,

she says to me,

as I’m allowing Izzy

to walk in front of me,

“The book says not to let them

walk in front of you.”

I said, “First off it’s not a book.

It’s a magazine.

You tell the book

to come help you walk the puppies.”

This is when she

rephrased her comment,

almost as if the book told her

I would say this.

She says, “We are in training

as much as the puppies are,

and the ‘Book said,

The heart of the champion

beats inside your Boxer,

and with our guidance

he’ll be a contender too.’”

We were rounding the

corner headed toward

First Baptist when she said,

“No. It’s true. The book said

to think about how

a real boxer trains.

He learns from his trainer

when to jab, when to defend,

what to eat and

which exercises to do.

Your Boxer is the same.

He knows when to bark,

jump, and chase,

but he doesn’t know

when it is appropriate to do it.”

“Please,” I said. “Give me a break.”

We’d reached the park

by the Old State Bank.

She turned and said,

“Show me how you walked

both of them at the same time

while I was gone to Cancun.”

I said, “It’s in the book

under the title:

“How to Walk Both Puppies

If Your Wife Runs Off to Cancun.”

“The book doesn’t have that article,” she said.

“That’s right,” I said.

“You don’t have to live

by a book to know

how to train puppies.”

“Believe me,” she said.

“You need the book.”

And I think this is what

perturbs me about the book.

I don’t like being forced

into its mentality where Boxers

are like Prize fighters.

But the book works.

That’s for sure.

Today, Jill asked where her

book was because

she’d lost it.

We told her we

didn’t know,

but I know,

and I’m not telling.